It's always about closeness

Time and time again no matter what couples report as the problem, eventually I see that its really about closeness: the fear of it, the fear of injury while in it, the fear of losing it, and the fear of not getting to it all. I've come to believe that while we want to connect meaningfully and deeply, its not always easy. Why?

Let's first remember that a couple relationship is made of two people who, despite what they have in common have different stories, experiences, perspectives and stances on this glorious thing called life. Couples can only be better together when they can give the gifts of listening, hearing, understanding and valuing differences (even when they don't agree). When missteps happen along this path and it's ignored, the gap between the two widens. Sometimes, by trying harder in unhelpful ways, things worsen; in such cases its heartbreaking indeed.

Now for the good news. How much of this is fixable? A whole lot of it is, depending on what's missing or what needs to go. I've noticed that when both are "all-in" committed to making their way back to each other, they are met with success. Like anything worth pursuing It takes hard work but it's possible. It's beautiful. Some days it's simply breathtaking, and a true honor to witness!

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