When it comes to relationships, it's important that we distinguish between the unhealthy and the unwell, because we can have a solid future with one but not the other. Unwell is someone who is suffering in some way. Perhaps it's depression, anxiety, grief, loss, a medical condition, working through tough changes or they've carried a heavy burden for a long time.
Unhealthy is something else. This is someone who is driven by the purpose of meeting their own needs, wherein the central focus is on what serves and suits them. They are capable of some sort of connection which they probably call love, but not the deep, forsaking-all-others-including-my-ego, kind. The relationships they have are really partnerships that embody elements of separateness; so, when the couples face hard times, the unhealthy aim only to save themselves. When they do this, it isn't based on self-love, it's about self-serving.
How can we tell them apart? You can reach the core of the unwell because even in their distressed state, they are able to share intimate moments with you. They want your closeness, they are just having a hard time. In fact, many who suffer from depression feel things very deeply, and anxiety can stem from an overactive want to protect those they love. With the unhealthy however, it's entirely different. You'll know you're with one when you feel invisible and alone, because you are. There will be an unreachable quality about them. This is different from a person with walls: the unhealthy ARE walls.
So dear reader, choose wisely and question everything.
